Our experience – over a decade and with countless parents – has proven the old adage true: What you give is what you get. When it comes to parental leave, positivity truly can shape outcomes. More often than not, when our coaching clients approach their announcement with a positive mindset and plan, the news is received well, matching their excitement and sunny outlook. We’ve seen the opposite happen, too – worry and trepidation rarely sends a reassuring message. Remember, you can’t control how others react or respond to your news, but you CAN influence them with your mindset, tone, and preparation. This holds true even in intimidating workplaces or companies with less than ideal policies and practices for working families.

Step One:

Before you make your announcement, pause for self-reflection. Visualize the outcome you want and the way you want the conversation to go. Think of ways you can positively frame your news to get the response you need. Carve out time and space to ask yourself the following questions, and write down your answers, to uncover any unconscious worries that might sabotage your announcement’s success.

Reflection Questions to Help You Prepare:

1. What worries you the most about announcing your pregnancy, adoption, or fostering news? What excites you?
2. How do you anticipate your manager will react? Are your expectations grounded in reality, or are they based on unfounded fear? Consider the data objectively. Invite a friend (or RETAIN Parental Leave Coach) to help you if you think you might need someone with the perspective distance provides.
3. What response are you expecting from your team? Are these expectations realistic or fear-induced?
4. Now, imagine your ideal response. What would it look like? Note down all the details, including any specific feelings or contributing factors. Be as specific as possible.
5. What additional steps can you take to elicit this ideal response? Is there a specific mood you want to set for the conversation? Would a particular time or location be beneficial? Is there specific language you can use to steer the conversation to a positive response? Are there certain materials that you need to prepare ahead of time?
6. Is there a way someone announced in the past that you admired? Or maybe you saw an announcement crash and burn and learned what you don’t want to do?
7. Now, put it all together. When and how will you share your news to your manager and team to set everyone up for a positive outcome? What key points should you keep in mind while planning your announcement? Are there any next steps you’d like to share or propose afterward?

Step Two:

As you work through your self-reflection and assessment, identify and acknowledge any presumptions you’re holding onto. Recognizing the narratives in your head before you announce will help you look at them objectively and disconnect from them as needed, and instead doing so will help you approach the situation with curiosity and openness. By acknowledging your expectations (conscious or unconscious), you can start creating a plan while also distinguishing  between concerns that are realistic and ones that are stories you’ve merely written in your head.

Consider:

If you’ve already made your announcement, it can be helpful to reflect on how it went and what you learned from that experience. What’s not helpful is beating yourself up if it didn’t go the way you had hoped. Take those lessons forward with you and move on. There are a number of ways to reposition your situation and reclaim the tone and narrative around your leave.